Hello Lovely family, hope you have missed us as much as we have missed you. It’s with great joy in our hearts that we present #Godswill. What happens when this will does not align to ours. It’s a long read spiced with a story, settle in and read and we pray that the lessons to be learnt in this are learnt. Now dig in:
I don’t want this one God, that is what I want.
I don’t want to be here just take me there.
God give me this job, I am sure it will suit me better?
This can’t be happening like this,
This wasn’t how I planned it.
No this isn’t who I want to be married to.
Why am I not married yet?
God say something!
Can you hear me?
Or are you mad at me?
Should I present my desires on my knees?
Is that what you want?
God! Answer me!
I’m getting impatient waiting for the things I want.
I want them and that is all that matters!
Why do I struggle to get almost everything I desire?
Are they not pleasant and good?
Are those not the promises you made to me?
Why then do I have to struggle this much Lord?
Is my will not yours?
On and on we go, not a breath lost. How can His will not be the same as mine? Are they not in line with his promises. Am I not praying as I ought to?
Stop for a minute or two and let me tell you a story as told by a friend.
My phone rings for about 6 times non-stop before I pick up, upset at the caller. I rolled my eyes as I saw it was one of my best-friends from Uni. I should have known, only Sade would call me like the Heavens were falling and I somehow had the superpowers to stop it.
“Babe let me call you later biko I am very busy” but she doesn’t let me finish before screaming in her high-pitched voice “checccccccccccck your WhatsApp!” and before I could respond the line had died. I rolled my eyes, it was so like Sade to expect you to drop everything and attend to her. I knew I was not going to rest if I didn’t check my WhatsApp and distractedly open the App to check the almighty message that needed my urgent attention. I froze at the words staring at me “I HEARD ROYAL’S MARRIAGE HAS CRASHED! APPARENTLY, HIS WIFE CAUGHT HIM CHEATING SEVERALLY AND HE EVEN INFECTED HER WITH AN STD!” what???!!! I exclaimed out loud before I realized. I smile assuredly at my colleagues who stared at me like I had lost my mind and dropped my phone. This is not my business I told myself. It’s been 6years and well, his gist can wait. But then I am extremely restless, I rush to the ladies, phone in hand, dialing Sade’s number. I barely locked the door before she picked. “my friend, my friend you too like gist” she laughs but I was not finding it funny. I cut her off, demanding the full details which she was privy since she was neighbors with Royal. Sade fills me in, and I am shocked to say the least. She goes on about how the situation was messy and the wife was bent on a divorce. She ends the conversation with “babe na God save you o”
I went back to work, and soon forgot about Royal and his marital woes. The remainder of the day passed uneventfully and soon it was time to go home. On my way home, I remember Sade’s call and the memories and revelations it brought with it.
I’m sure you have already put two and two together but let me tell you my story.
You see I met Royal whilst I was in school. 8 years ago, he was a master’s student, I was in 300 level. He was my dream man! What I used to call the perfect blend, you know handsome, tall, dark, goes to church, wonderful Christian, always involved in one Church activity or the other, Spirit-filled but also social. He was sweet, and oh girl I was in love. Boy did he make it easy! He pampered me, showered with love, attention and I never for once doubted that this was the ‘one’. He shared with me dreams of the future, our future, took me to meet his mother (I know, I know), cooked for me, and made me feel like I was the only woman in the world (yen yen) lol. He met my parents and all that was remaining was for me to graduate and serve, and the wedding would hold. Everyone called me “Olori Royal” and I would smile, raise my shoulders and walk taller. I was so happy and couldn’t wait to be his wife. Everyone kept telling me that he was a catch, handsome Royal, working in a multinational company, had everything a woman wanted but you know the whole time I wasn’t at ease and I kept having dreams of Royal stabbing me with a knife, but I was sure it was the devil trying to derail me! I mean I was the envy of girls on campus. I remember my prayers to God, to keep my relationship away from evil eyes, to keep us in love and make us stronger as a couple, I was already praying for our unborn children. Yes, I am extra like that.
2 years into the relationship, I was gearing up to get married as I was done with service. I was 23 and this was the age I had always wanted to get married, I was eager, I was anxious. 2 years down the line and I was still hearing occasional voices “He is not my will” but I was always quick to shut it down. I convinced myself it wasn’t God’s voice, and hadn’t he said in his word that whatever we ask for in prayer we shall receive? Well, there you have it! My world was perfect, a fairytale world filled with roses. Royal proposed to me on a trip to Greece, we had gone to celebrate our 2-year anniversary. It was magical and everything I had always imagined my proposal would be, surrounded by the people we loved. Our parents were ecstatic, and the planning commenced immediately. I wanted a Christmas wedding, and everything was moving on towards that direction.
The lingering doubt would not go no matter how hard or fervently I prayed but I was in love and I continued planning until things took a huge turn, and everything changed. I got the call that would change my life. Our mutual friend Adeline told me she thought Royal was cheating on me. I refused to believe her, but she said she had proof and I decided to at least listen to her so I could look her in the face and laugh and say you see Royal is as faithful as they come and finally kill my doubt. She asked me to go visit him at home unplanned and gave me the time when I was sure to catch them. I thought this was all planned by her to steal my joy, but I couldn’t stop myself from going. I didn’t know what I was going to see but I was not prepared what I saw. I caught my fiancé cheating with one of my supposed best friends and the funny thing, he wasn’t even remorseful! Apparently, he had been sleeping with her for the entire duration of our relationship…He said I got what I deserved by coming unannounced, that she gave him what he wanted, and I was just being a frigid virgin. I wanted the ground to open and swallow me, I could not believe my ears, I thought he wanted to wait, he did not pressure me, and I was so grateful to God for giving me a man like him. Little did I know that I meant nothing to him. Still I was willing to forgive, I had put so much into the relationship and was not willing to give up without a fight. Royal said he was still willing to marry me, but he was going to keep her on as a side chick and if I was not willing to accept that, then he was going to call off the wedding. I did not know what to do or say as we had less than 2 months to our wedding. I could not bring myself to accept the offer and I told him so and he ended our engagement.
I became a shell of myself, I was barely living. How could God do this to me? I had served him faithfully, I had done all I needed to do, and this one desire of my heart and he couldn’t grant it to me. I became bitter towards God and I felt that my Father didn’t love me enough. It took 2 years for me to finally move on and rekindle my relationship with God. I had accepted it as his will and let it go but now it finally made sense why I had those doubts, why the dreams never stopped even though I prayed. It was at this point that I truly understood what God did for me 6 years ago. That it was not that He didn’t answer my prayer, He did. But His answer was not what I wanted, it was what I needed. I now understand that nothing supersedes His will and that His will concerning my life is of good always.
This is a clear example of how God’s will turn out to be the best.
‘His will not mine’ is how we have been taught to pray, everything must be aligned to his will. His plans are always for good and to bring us to an expected end. You see He knows best and his will is supreme. You cannot question Him, only accept that this is his will.
How do you tell someone who has just a child she has longed and prayed for after 15 years of waiting, after 9 months of carrying the child and the labor pangs and 3 months down the line, the child dies of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)? How do you explain that it is God’s will? Or how do you tell someone who has prayed for a husband and finally God sends one and just on the eve of the wedding, the husband-to-be is knocked down by a car and dies on the spot. Or a promotion at work, or a job you have prayed for and worked hard to get and just at the last stage, it slips away, or someone who loses a loved one or loses a job for no reason. The scenarios abound, so how do you explain that all of these is God’s will.
How can all these bad things happen when God says his plan are for good and not for evil and to bring us to an expected end. How do you learn to trust despite all the heartache some of these experiences bring? We say the ‘Our Father’ and it has become a routine prayer and we do not at times fully understand the meaning of the words we say; “…May your will be done…” we need to not only pray for His will to be done but also we need to pray for the ability and grace to accept this will even when it is not palatable. God’s will can be perfect or permissive. There is nothing that happens without your Father’s knowledge. He either wants this to happen or He allows/ permits it to happen, either way HE knows.
Trust is a key ingredient in our walk with God, learning to have faith in him, knowing that He sees every tear, He hears every prayer, He is aware of every sigh, He knows every of our heart desires and he knows best. He does not bring us far to leave us to our own devices. It is difficult to fully trust another, to surrender your will to that of God for faith demands that from us, at times it makes no sense to us why things are the way they are or why we do not get what we want after putting in the effort, there will be pain along the path, but you have to trust God completely, you have to believe that God knows what is best for you and is going to do his very best for you and then you have to hold onto your faith as strongly as you can.
Is this going to be easy, No! But your job is to trust God and hold on to his promises as He says in Jeremiah 29:11: “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.” So, when next your will does not align with God’s will or prayers do not seem to get answered, hang in there, your father loves you and knows best. Trust him!
See you all next week as we continue this exciting journey. Stay tuned, God bless you all and do not forget that God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Also, we will be starting a new series titled: #ConversationswithGod This is us simply writing a letter to God, no flowery words, just a sincere heart talking to the father. You can send us a mail at firstname.lastname@example.org. This can be done anonymously or you can drop your mail. We explain more on Friday.
Please don’t forget to drop a comment and also tell a friend to tell a friend to read. Do follow us on all social media handle @Godlywomenarising