God’s Will

Hello Lovely family, hope you have missed us as much as we have missed you. It’s with great joy in our hearts that we present #Godswill. What happens when this will does not align to ours. It’s a long read spiced with a story, settle in and read and we pray that the lessons to be learnt in this are learnt. Now dig in:

I don’t want this one God, that is what I want.
I don’t want to be here just take me there.
God give me this job, I am sure it will suit me better?
No way!
This can’t be happening like this,
This wasn’t how I planned it.
No this isn’t who I want to be married to.
Why am I not married yet?
God say something!
Can you hear me?
Or are you mad at me?
Should I present my desires on my knees?
Is that what you want?
God! Answer me!
I’m getting impatient waiting for the things I want.
I want them and that is all that matters!
Why do I struggle to get almost everything I desire?
Are they not pleasant and good?
Are those not the promises you made to me?
LORD!!!
Why then do I have to struggle this much Lord?
Is my will not yours?

On and on we go, not a breath lost. How can His will not be the same as mine? Are they not in line with his promises. Am I not praying as I ought to?

Stop for a minute or two and let me tell you a story as told by a friend.

My phone rings for about 6 times non-stop before I pick up, upset at the caller. I rolled my eyes as I saw it was one of my best-friends from Uni. I should have known, only Sade would call me like the Heavens were falling and I somehow had the superpowers to stop it.


“Babe let me call you later biko I am very busy” but she doesn’t let me finish before screaming in her high-pitched voice “checccccccccccck your WhatsApp!” and before I could respond the line had died. I rolled my eyes, it was so like Sade to expect you to drop everything and attend to her. I knew I was not going to rest if I didn’t check my WhatsApp and distractedly open the App to check the almighty message that needed my urgent attention. I froze at the words staring at me “I HEARD ROYAL’S MARRIAGE HAS CRASHED! APPARENTLY, HIS WIFE CAUGHT HIM CHEATING SEVERALLY AND HE EVEN INFECTED HER WITH AN STD!” what???!!! I exclaimed out loud before I realized. I smile assuredly at my colleagues who stared at me like I had lost my mind and dropped my phone. This is not my business I told myself. It’s been 6years and well, his gist can wait. But then I am extremely restless, I rush to the ladies, phone in hand, dialing Sade’s number. I barely locked the door before she picked. “my friend, my friend you too like gist” she laughs but I was not finding it funny. I cut her off, demanding the full details which she was privy since she was neighbors with Royal. Sade fills me in, and I am shocked to say the least. She goes on about how the situation was messy and the wife was bent on a divorce. She ends the conversation with “babe na God save you o”


I went back to work, and soon forgot about Royal and his marital woes. The remainder of the day passed uneventfully and soon it was time to go home. On my way home, I remember Sade’s call and the memories and revelations it brought with it.


I’m sure you have already put two and two together but let me tell you my story.
You see I met Royal whilst I was in school. 8 years ago, he was a master’s student, I was in 300 level. He was my dream man! What I used to call the perfect blend, you know handsome, tall, dark, goes to church, wonderful Christian, always involved in one Church activity or the other, Spirit-filled but also social. He was sweet, and oh girl I was in love. Boy did he make it easy! He pampered me, showered with love, attention and I never for once doubted that this was the ‘one’. He shared with me dreams of the future, our future, took me to meet his mother (I know, I know), cooked for me, and made me feel like I was the only woman in the world (yen yen) lol. He met my parents and all that was remaining was for me to graduate and serve, and the wedding would hold. Everyone called me “Olori Royal” and I would smile, raise my shoulders and walk taller. I was so happy and couldn’t wait to be his wife. Everyone kept telling me that he was a catch, handsome Royal, working in a multinational company, had everything a woman wanted but you know the whole time I wasn’t at ease and I kept having dreams of Royal stabbing me with a knife, but I was sure it was the devil trying to derail me! I mean I was the envy of girls on campus. I remember my prayers to God, to keep my relationship away from evil eyes, to keep us in love and make us stronger as a couple, I was already praying for our unborn children. Yes, I am extra like that.


2 years into the relationship, I was gearing up to get married as I was done with service. I was 23 and this was the age I had always wanted to get married, I was eager, I was anxious. 2 years down the line and I was still hearing occasional voices “He is not my will” but I was always quick to shut it down. I convinced myself it wasn’t God’s voice, and hadn’t he said in his word that whatever we ask for in prayer we shall receive? Well, there you have it! My world was perfect, a fairytale world filled with roses. Royal proposed to me on a trip to Greece, we had gone to celebrate our 2-year anniversary. It was magical and everything I had always imagined my proposal would be, surrounded by the people we loved. Our parents were ecstatic, and the planning commenced immediately. I wanted a Christmas wedding, and everything was moving on towards that direction.


The lingering doubt would not go no matter how hard or fervently I prayed but I was in love and I continued planning until things took a huge turn, and everything changed. I got the call that would change my life. Our mutual friend Adeline told me she thought Royal was cheating on me. I refused to believe her, but she said she had proof and I decided to at least listen to her so I could look her in the face and laugh and say you see Royal is as faithful as they come and finally kill my doubt. She asked me to go visit him at home unplanned and gave me the time when I was sure to catch them. I thought this was all planned by her to steal my joy, but I couldn’t stop myself from going. I didn’t know what I was going to see but I was not prepared what I saw. I caught my fiancé cheating with one of my supposed best friends and the funny thing, he wasn’t even remorseful! Apparently, he had been sleeping with her for the entire duration of our relationship…He said I got what I deserved by coming unannounced, that she gave him what he wanted, and I was just being a frigid virgin. I wanted the ground to open and swallow me, I could not believe my ears, I thought he wanted to wait, he did not pressure me, and I was so grateful to God for giving me a man like him. Little did I know that I meant nothing to him. Still I was willing to forgive, I had put so much into the relationship and was not willing to give up without a fight. Royal said he was still willing to marry me, but he was going to keep her on as a side chick and if I was not willing to accept that, then he was going to call off the wedding. I did not know what to do or say as we had less than 2 months to our wedding. I could not bring myself to accept the offer and I told him so and he ended our engagement.


I became a shell of myself, I was barely living. How could God do this to me? I had served him faithfully, I had done all I needed to do, and this one desire of my heart and he couldn’t grant it to me. I became bitter towards God and I felt that my Father didn’t love me enough. It took 2 years for me to finally move on and rekindle my relationship with God. I had accepted it as his will and let it go but now it finally made sense why I had those doubts, why the dreams never stopped even though I prayed. It was at this point that I truly understood what God did for me 6 years ago. That it was not that He didn’t answer my prayer, He did. But His answer was not what I wanted, it was what I needed. I now understand that nothing supersedes His will and that His will concerning my life is of good always.


This is a clear example of how God’s will turn out to be the best.


‘His will not mine’ is how we have been taught to pray, everything must be aligned to his will. His plans are always for good and to bring us to an expected end. You see He knows best and his will is supreme. You cannot question Him, only accept that this is his will.


How do you tell someone who has just a child she has longed and prayed for after 15 years of waiting, after 9 months of carrying the child and the labor pangs and 3 months down the line, the child dies of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)? How do you explain that it is God’s will? Or how do you tell someone who has prayed for a husband and finally God sends one and just on the eve of the wedding, the husband-to-be is knocked down by a car and dies on the spot. Or a promotion at work, or a job you have prayed for and worked hard to get and just at the last stage, it slips away, or someone who loses a loved one or loses a job for no reason. The scenarios abound, so how do you explain that all of these is God’s will.


How can all these bad things happen when God says his plan are for good and not for evil and to bring us to an expected end. How do you learn to trust despite all the heartache some of these experiences bring? We say the ‘Our Father’ and it has become a routine prayer and we do not at times fully understand the meaning of the words we say; “…May your will be done…” we need to not only pray for His will to be done but also we need to pray for the ability and grace to accept this will even when it is not palatable. God’s will can be perfect or permissive. There is nothing that happens without your Father’s knowledge. He either wants this to happen or He allows/ permits it to happen, either way HE knows.


Trust is a key ingredient in our walk with God, learning to have faith in him, knowing that He sees every tear, He hears every prayer, He is aware of every sigh, He knows every of our heart desires and he knows best. He does not bring us far to leave us to our own devices. It is difficult to fully trust another, to surrender your will to that of God for faith demands that from us, at times it makes no sense to us why things are the way they are or why we do not get what we want after putting in the effort, there will be pain along the path, but you have to trust God completely, you have to believe that God knows what is best for you and is going to do his very best for you and then you have to hold onto your faith as strongly as you can.


Is this going to be easy, No! But your job is to trust God and hold on to his promises as He says in Jeremiah 29:11: “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.” So, when next your will does not align with God’s will or prayers do not seem to get answered, hang in there, your father loves you and knows best. Trust him!

See you all next week as we continue this exciting journey. Stay tuned, God bless you all and do not forget that God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Also, we will be starting a new series titled: #ConversationswithGod This is us simply writing a letter to God, no flowery words, just a sincere heart talking to the father. You can send us a mail at godlywomenarising@gmail.com. This can be done anonymously or you can drop your mail. We explain more on Friday.

Please don’t forget to drop a comment and also tell a friend to tell a friend to read. Do follow us on all social media handle @Godlywomenarising

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Broken??? Fix you!

Yipee it’s another #RelationshipfridaywithGWA and our inhouse relationship guru is at it again, this time with #broken-fix you. We often look towards other people for fixing, seeking validation from people, thinking if I did this or did that, may be she or he would love me more, or act differently towards me. Enough said, let’s not let the cat out of the bag, relax it’s Friday so settle in, a chilled glass of your favorite wine (non-alcoholic of course), snuggle in on the couch and now dig in

Can I get an AMEN!

“AND WE AS INDIVIDUALS SHALL LOVE OURSELVES ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH JUST AS WE ARE”

It is no longer news that a lot of people (actually a lot of women) seek for validation in their relationships .

Women look up to their men to make them feel good enough, to validate them. They don’t believe that they are beautiful except they are told so by their partners. They don’t think they deserve to be celebrated except their partners celebrate them.

Dear Concerned!,
Please STOP!!
Stop waiting for validation from your partners !!!
Stop entering into that relationship hoping that your partner will complete you and make you feel whole.

Yes, I Agree that love is like a large incomplete puzzle waiting for the right person to complete it but you must also realize that a CRACKED or DAMAGED or BROKEN piece of puzzle can never add up to complete a puzzle ( did I succeed in confusing You? )


My point exactly is, “ A broken person ( I don’t mean someone who is heart broken ) has no business getting into a relationship. When a broken individual gets into a relationship they want their partners to make them feel good about themselves. They want to do things so their partners can be impressed not because they really want to do those things. When their partner has not called them beautiful then they don’t feel beautiful.
The moment that partner fails at filling this void then problems begin and this may eventually lead to depression.

When is an individual broken?

When he/she has a low self esteem
You don’t believe in yourself
You don’t ever feel deserving
You don’t appreciate yourself
You seek validation from others


It is important to have a partner that makes you feel good and beautiful and all what isn’t at all OK is not being that person for yourself.
You should be your biggest fan, celebrate your small wins and big ones too. Know that you are awesome, beautiful and perfect just the way you are. You owe yourself this much.

See you on Monday God-willing as we continue this exciting journey and our prayers is that the many lessons God has in store are learnt. Stay tuned, God bless you all and do not forget that God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Please don’t forget to drop a comment and also tell a friend to tell a friend to read. Do follow us on all social media handle @Godlywomenarising

WHY MARRY

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Joined together as one

Valentine has come and gone and yes, we know we are late to the party but better late than never. This post has been in the oven since last year and what better time than to share this with all of you than at a time when we are celebrating Love. We have a King and Lord who is the epitome of love, who has paid the eternal sacrifice for us. We are joined to him in an everlasting covenant which is what marriage, a covenant that bonds us together which is why Christ calls us his bride and him the bridegroom. Now we are going to be talking about #WhyMarry and we do not want spoilers so as usually dig in. However it is to be noted that this is a long post as such we crave your indulgence, settle in, get a glass of chilled wine and learn the lessons that are within.

A friend called me and said she wanted me to be a guest writer on her website, I was thrilled. Yea, the ability to reach a wider audience, who turns down such an offer? The next question was what do I write about? First concern: we strictly write on the Christian faith, our journey, the struggles and issues surrounding it and other life issues because that is the route we have decided to channel our gifts and that is the purpose GWA is heading towards. Do I go all religious?  Tone it down a bit? This is almost impossible… how do you tone down purpose! My second concern came after I had gone through the site.  It had a whole lot of varied content though Eva had given me free rein, so I could choose what I wanted to write on.

Fast-forward to a discussion with Zed on a shared interest in BOM (Break or Make up on Instagram) the issue of marriage came up and on and on we discussed, and Zed asked me the question that prompted this post: “Why do you want to get married?”

I went blank, totally speechless. Before now it had never occurred to me that there had to be a reason to get married apart from the obvious ‘we are in love with each other, it is the right thing to do, I am getting older, I am ripe for marriage” (this one makes me laugh) reasons for marriage that we often give. I could have answered any or all the above, but somehow for me the question or answer went beyond the obvious, it called for an inward look as to why I or you or anyone else should consider getting married. This here is an attempt to answer that question.

So, take one minute (or two if you need more) and ask yourself these questions

If you are married:

  • Why did you get married?
  • Why that person? Why not another person?

If you are single:

  • Why do you want to get married?
  • Why this person? Why not the other person asking you to marry him or her?

What answers did you come up with if you are truthful to yourself?

So, we asked some people the same questions on why they want to get married and for the singles these are the commonest reasons:

  • Companionship
  • Raising a family
  • To reduce or erase loneliness
  • Love
  • Increases responsibility

For the married ones, we ask why they were married, and the answers were the same as above with additional insight as to the reasons they knew this was the ’one

  • Sense of belonging
  • Sense of rightness
  • Peace in their heart
  • Someone who understood them, complemented them and brought out the best in them.

And finally, we asked someone who was engaged and about to get married and this was her response: “Well for me, getting married has never been a part of the plan because before now, I never saw the need to but it got to a point in my life when I met someone who loves me more than I love myself, who complements me in all ramifications, someone who sees me way better than I see myself. What I call my flaws are or appear to be strengths to him. With him I soar higher, achieve greater things and find peace. This was tested by ‘time and prayers.’ Then I knew I was ready and would be getting married to him.”

Love, Love and Love seems to be the driving force in a lot of relationships, the one cord that holds the whole, so let’s talk a little bit about love.

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This is what love is!

1st Corinthians 13:4-8 is the perfect base on which to hinge love. Let’s do a simple exercise. First start with yourself, I was reading a tweet yesterday and it said: ‘you keep praying for the right partner, are you a right partner yourself.’ It got me thinking, we, I inclusive keep praying about the right partner but am I the right person, what steps am I taking to make me the right person, are there areas of improvements and am I working on them. Okay back to our exercise; 1st Corinthians 13 talks about the attributes of love, so replace love with your name. So, it should go like this: ‘Helen is patient, Helen is kind…’ so are the qualities present in you, are there attributes you need to imbibe that are currently lacking, you need to be the best person for that best person you are waiting for. Now let’s move to the other person, replace their names with love and ask yourself does he or she possess the attributes of love, since I don’t have a significant other, I would use a unisex name: ‘Tolu is not proud, Tolu is not rude…’

I know, I know Humans are flawed, we are all imperfect but don’t forget that we are all constantly striving towards perfection. You hear them say that Love is not enough, that you need friendship, trust, respect etc. But then what is love? If you love someone shouldn’t you trust them, shouldn’t you respect them, shouldn’t they be your friend, shouldn’t you want the best for them. God loves us and has given us the perfect example of what love should be, He has given us himself and sent his son to die for us.

I love this passage of the Bible 1st John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then, love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment.” Most times our service to God is one borne out of a fear, not ‘the fear of the Lord’ but a fear of punishment, fear of ending up in hell, we do not love God because we ought to but because we think if we don’t then there is something He would do to us. I often ask God this: ‘Do not let the fear of hell or punishment cause me to love you, stir up in me a desire to love you with all my heart.”

Now that we are on the issue of fear and love, let’s talk to our friends who are in a relationship?

Yes, I know we have put in a lot of exercises, so it doesn’t become boring.

Now ask yourself a couple of questions?

  • Does the relationship leave you constantly afraid?
  • Are you always wondering what next would happen?
  • Are you never sure of where you stand?
  • Are there niggling doubts as to the rightness of your decisions?

Do you know that there is something wrong but live for the Instagram-worthy moments, the admiration of others, the likes and the loves and the comments, the oohs, awwws and the aahs? These moments seem to in our minds make up for the other not-so-good moments, the sometimes-physical abuse, the psychological both emotional, verbal and mental abuse. We pretend that it is a one-off never-to-be-repeated occurrence while we fearfully wait for the other shoe to be dropped. We lose ourselves and our self-esteem in the process, become less of a person because we want so desperately to be married, because time is moving at break-neck speed and we would rather endure a sham called love rather than leave.

The loved-up moments are so sweet and romantic that they leave you breathless, he steals your breath away you say, she will change you console yourself, I will pray, he or she will change for me. My love and constant devotion will make them change, on and on you deceive yourself, you are plagued with doubts. You make yourself a fixer of character, Mr/Miss fixer of human defect is it until your life is stolen that you would make that decision.

Why are you getting married?

Stop, ask yourself why?

  • Because he/she completes you
  • Because he/she gives you joy/happiness
  • Because he/she is your better half, that part that makes the whole come together.
  • To fill a void in your life.

The truth is your happiness does not depend on man, true happiness can only from a life dependent on God, only God can fill the void in your life and make you totally complete. You need to be enough for yourself, it is difficult especially when the pressure gets much, it is easy to just settle because time is passing, and you would rather be married than single.

Social media, music, movies and books seem to help sell the ideal of a love that is unattainable, and we often want to mirror that, and this often leaves us disillusioned when what we see doesn’t match what we get. Only God who is love is the foundation upon which love should be built. Only in him do we find happiness and fulfilment, only in God does everything make sense. You can take him away from your relationship or marriage and expect everything to be fine.

Have we left with you with more questions than answers?

I know, I started this as a means of me answering the question Why do I want to get married. However, it has shown the reasons that should not be the basis for your decision. Marriage is a vocation, one that should not be taken lightly. The wedding day with all the lights and colours is just one day, the marriage is for life. So, your reason for getting married should be clear cut. They say marriage is not in heaven, yet life on earth should prepare you for that. That said any marriage not leading you to heaven should not be something you be headed into. There might not be a loud voice saying to you: “My child stay clear” but there will be signs, that lack of peace that this is the right thing to do.

It is important to state that because you have been in a relationship for so long is still not enough reason to be married if you are not sure that this is the right thing to do. My answers are a mix of everything, the pressure is real, like there are days when I have to literally shut my eyes and ears not to be in that head-space, I want a family, I want love too, I want the companionship, you know that feeling that this person gets you for real, because this is my answer to God’s call on my vocation and because I believe that this is the person helping me in the process of becoming a princess fit for my King and God.  So am I there yet, I am that Miss right, no I am still a work in progress, I still have doubts, I still have fears, there are still questions in my head who would love or want me, would I get married, are my desires valid, are my standards high, am I not getting older and maybe I should lower my standards and the quick stab of envy when someone I know is getting married.

I have learnt so far that when you trust God all things work out in the end, that though the process be long and arduous, his plans as He says are for good and not for evil, to bring me to an expected end so while I am waiting, I am going to enjoy my singlehood, work on myself and be a princess fit for my King and God.

Now it is your turn to answer, WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

See you all next week as we continue with #Aqueenlikenoother and our prayers is that the many lessons God has in store are learnt. Stay tuned, God bless you all and do not forget that God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Please don’t forget to drop a comment and also tell a friend to tell a friend to read, share and subscribe. Do follow us on all social media handle @Godlywomenarising

Image credit: Google

                                                                         

Dear Future Wife

I was scared of doing this. I had done the ‘dear future husband’ and it was easy because I was threading on familiar grounds and I did know what I wanted in a husband. But I decided to spread my wings and do this post. It’s not a long read as the earlier post but you might want to grab a seat and a glass of wine. You can always drop your comments, it makes me grow better. To all those that keep reading, thanks so much. You are all appreciated. Now dig in 

Dearest Wifey,

I have prayed a long time for you and I feel it in my heart that you are close. I always tell myself that I am not ‘tribalistic’ so if you are Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa I won’t mind even though I am sure mama would want me to marry someone from our tribe but I know she would love you with the same love that I have for you and accept you.
I am not a man of many words but I would show you by my actions every single day that you are loved, adored, cherished, and appreciated. I will hold fast to the vows we would eventually make before God, our families and friends while making prayer the bedrock of our marriage. Baby, you know this passage of the bible Proverbs 31; that is the kind of woman I pray God gives me and I know you have gone through the passage but I would love you to read it again and properly understand it. (You can’t get tired of reading God’s word).
Bae, you will always come Before Anyone Else (after God of course). You would be my number 1 priority. I want you to be very understanding and know that because I don’t say the words doesn’t mean I don’t care. There are times when we would have issues and disagreements but I know our love would be strong enough to surmount them. I also need a tolerant wife because I know I am not perfect and I have my own failings (but I will keep them to the minimum and I know you will help me be a better me).
Honey, I am not psychic and I would love you to tell me what’s on your mind and don’t expect me to automatically know. I will try my best to be sensitive to your moods. I love being pampered and I would pamper you too. Sweetie, on a lighter note you need to have a degree in giving massages; I would be tired after the day’s work and your warm hands would be all I need. Don’t worry I will return the favor.
Dear, God made you to be a helpmate and that’s what I want you to be. I need a wife that would help me be better, grow stronger in God’s ways and a prayer partner. I need a mother for our unborn children and don’t worry I am not squeamish I will be with you in the delivery room. I will just hold your hands and take plenty photographs for posterity sake. Sweet I don’t expect you to nag (Haba it irritates me when people do that). I know you love God as much as I do and I continually pray that He gives you us the wisdom you we would need for our marriage to work.

Honey I want you us to fill our home with laughter and joy, a homely place where I would be glad to come back to each day. I will treat you with all the care and love that you deserve and my heart would always be yours.
Sugar I know you are a good cook (how I know is an open secret) and I will try and help you in the kitchen even if it’s just to sit down and gist with you. I want our children to grow up being strong in their faith, believing in themselves, and having the right morals. I would be a provider in the home, the head of the family and help you in the upbringing of our kids. I love my football but you are always my Numero Uno so I can give up the football for you (Don’t ask me to sha).
I will court you the old-fashioned way with words (which I am not too good at), flowers, and chocolates (I heard women love chocolates). You know you mean everything to me and I would spend the rest of my earthly existence loving you and leading our family the way God would want me to do. I know the future is bright because you are in it. It may sound so easy to do and I know the road will be rough but with you by my side and God directing us, I trust that we will make it.
There are so many other things you need to know about me but you will get to know them in due time (that’s the essence of courtship albeit a short one, I can’t wait for you to be mine). I will keep praying for you my darling and I know God will bring you my way at the appointed time.
Patiently waiting for you the bone of my bones.
Your love,
Hubby.

P.S I have picked out an engagement ring for you, I would have it sized to fit when I propose. I can’t wait to have you in my life. I love you so much.

 

Say no to insurgencand Yes to a peaceful Nigeria and world. God bless you all. Have a wonderful weekend and a peaceful week ahead.

Dear Future Husband

Good afternoon my fantastic readers. It’s the first day of July, so I am excited. I decided to do something different. This is a long post so you might decide to sit down, grab a glass of Hollandia yoghurt (strawberry flavour) and read. A couple of the stuffs are unique to me, but I tried to encompass the whole sentiments and wishes of most females in a Christian and humorous angle. Hope you enjoy, dig in.

 

Dear Hubby,
I have written to our unborn children, so I thought it fitting that I should write to you so that you are a glimpse of the woman who would spend the rest of her life with you. (You know your ‘wifey’ is pretty complicated, at times I wonder how the different aspects of her merge but then our God is a wonder-worker). I love you so much already without having known you. At times, I wonder if I have met you already or if you are still among the numerous people, I am yet to meet.

I have a very vivid imagination and I close my eyes and imagine how our wedding day would look like. I see myself clearly looking resplendent in white but I never see your face, I wonder if that’s a sign that I have not met you among the friends I have or if you are meant to come as a surprise. I have written down my vows for our wedding day (do not worry I won’t put it down in this letter, you would be the first person to hear them from my lips) with the permission of the priest.
My heart, I remember hearing the story of a woman that was asked on her wedding day what she would call her husband and she said ‘honey nkem’. So, it got me thinking. Hmmmmm what would I call you, there are a lot of names to pick from; ‘sweetie, sweetheart, honey, dear, Dearie, my king, my heart, my hubby and the likes. Do not worry we would pick one together and if we cannot settle on any, I would willingly call you every beautiful name imaginable.

Now to you dearest hubby of life, I do not care if you are dark or fair, as long as you are mine that would be okay. I need a 1st Timothy 3 man that would draw me closer to God, a prayer partner, a leader in the home, a best friend, and a sparring partner(so if you have not read that passage you need to read it). I know I would have to share you with your friends and family, but that is okay because it is a necessary part of the vocation called marriage.
Hubby, I really do hope you understand the sanctity of the marriage vows and bed; that you take with all seriousness the sacredness of the vocation that we have been called to, and embrace with love all the children that would be placed in our care. Speaking of our children, I have named them already but we can still pick them out together and I also want quadruplets or twins, and that is my earnest prayer to our heavenly father. I know you understand all these if not we wouldn’t get married in the first place.

Sweetie, I want you to understand that I would always have your back, your word would be law, and I would respect you as the head. We would disagree but we would always agree and be a united front. I am quite stubborn and annoying but if I wasn’t you wouldn’t love me the way you do. My king, I love books a whole lot and I would fill our home with them. That said; a good book is the best gift you could give me and with chocolates, I would love you even more (if that’s possible). A book is the surest way to my heart. I would love it if you were interested in books but it’s okay if you are not as long as you don’t mind reading to me at times (emphasis on the word at times, its sounds romantic you reading to me but I prefer reading to myself.) I am also a neatness freak and I like organized spaces so it would help if you were neat too, it gets tiring picking up after anybody, and I wouldn’t want to nag about that.

Nkem, I love music especially when writing or doing chores. That reminds me, this woman you would spend the rest of your earthly existence with is a writer, it is a struggle at times to translate my feelings into speech but I will try and tell you ‘I love you’ each day and you can expect little notes from me everyday (okay not everyday but quite often). Don’t ever use silent treatment or withholding of favors as punishment for perceived or real wrongs. We can always trash our issues and come to a resolution. I pray we never go to bed with anger and unresolved issues between us. I don’t mind saying sorry first. I believe we would spur each other to greater heights because we are the best parts of each other; the two sides of the same coin.
Sweetheart, I hope you don’t expect me to know or learn how to cook with firewood, it is a no no and with time you would understand better. So if you have that skill as part of your vision of an ideal woman, please rethink that vision. I don’t like cooking because I don’t like eating that much (hahahaha I can hear the wheels turning in your head already). Don’t worry I would prepare all our meals, I prefer the taste of my food and you would find that I don’t like going out too often. It would be nice to eat out at times, I don’t have a cooking gene because I am female. I love for you to cook at times, so you can impress me with your culinary skills and pamper me with breakfast in bed. (lol, every woman likes to be pampered and I would pamper you too).

 

I don’t like travelling too but if you would take me to Ghana, south Africa, Paris, Bahamas or even obudu cattle ranch, I won’t mind. That reminds me I really want to go to Rome, so if you can make that possible the gratitude of my heart would be yours forever; if its not possible I will visit it in my dreams and I would still love you with my heart. I really pray your family loves me and I get along with your mother. She really must be extraordinary to birth a wonderful man like you. That said, you are going to be with me when I deliver our kids. Don’t think you can skip out on that, if not for anything just for you to hold my hands and behold the miracle of childbirth (I hear it’s a great bonding experience).
Dear, I would love for you to have other siblings so that our children can have and understand the beauty of having family around them. I remember saying I wouldn’t want to get married to any only son, first born son or child and an only child (those days of childhood) but whichever you are I would welcome you with open arms. I would also want you to accept my family and understand that the same responsibility I have towards yours is the same you have towards mine (they are easily lovable.) I like staying indoors but if you are an outdoorsy type I wouldn’t mind as long as you can come up with interesting places to go to and you don’t mind staying indoors sometimes (a nice movie, ice cream cuddled up together isn’t that heavenly.) I have don’t like having guests around the house but family and friends are always welcome; all they need do is give me prior notice so I can have a sumptuous meal waiting for them.
My love, I imagine how the future would like, with the children out of the nest and just the two of us left and I like it; can you imagine the grandchildren running around and probably the great-grandchildren too. We would grow old together and still be in love and I pray our heavenly father grants us that request. Prayer must be an integral part of our lives including the word of God (how else can we surmount life’s troubles). There are too many fake prophets out there so we would be our own prophets beseeching the father on our knees , prophesying on ourselves and children, praying together, standing in the gap for each other and our families and we would not neglect the gathering of the brethren. We would teach our children all about God and encourage them to find Him, value them, let them make their mistakes and guide them on the path to life. I haven’t watched the film “War Room”. I would want to watch it with you or if my curiosity gets the better of me, I would watch it and we could watch it together again. That said, I like movies too but a book will always win over a movie.
Honey, I love strolling and I hope we could do that not because it looks romantic but it helps me clear my thoughts so I hope you can indulge me. I absolutely do not like going to the market, I don’t like haggling over prices, so if you would go to the market with me and may be buy things like fish and meat it would make me happy but if not I wouldn’t mind as long as you take me shopping. I would want for you to help me with the house chores, a woman’s place isn’t in the kitchen and if anyone calls you a woman wrapper or a sissy, I would fight them, you are my superhero, so anything for you within reasonable bounds. You are allowed to watch all the football you want with the understanding that I come before the football. By the way I support Manchester united, please don’t be a Chelsea fan. I won’t struggle with you for the remote (I absolutely detest Telemundo).
Dearie, I have to work even if you make loads of money. I can’t be content not working. Please don’t say you would open a boutique or a supermarket; this lady isn’t business inclined, I am sure we will work out something that suits us both. Hmmmmm, I would love to dance in the rain just once (hope my phone won’t get damaged.) I pray we can laugh, cry, dance and smile together and enjoy life to the fullest, as God would want us to do.
Dear hubby, I can’t wait to meet you or if I have met you already, I can’t wait to know that you are mine. I would shower all the love, care, and affection on you. I love you so much and you are always in my prayers everyday so I know our God is blessing and keeping you safe and at the right time, He will send you my way. It has been signed and sealed; all that remains is the delivery and manifestation of that promise.
Earnestly praying and waiting for you.

 
Your wifey,
Chels.

 
P.S. That reminds me what would you call me? ‘Wifey’ is over-used but I could not think of anything else and I am sure you would come up with something. I love you plenty.

 

Say no to insurgency and Yes to a peaceful Nigeria. God bless you all.

LOVE IN MARRIAGE—4

This is going to be long but I just want to conclude this post so I know that I owe you nothing but the best of new posts when I get back.

love!!!

Fifth, love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth. I do not need to go into long stories. Speak the truth oh, it will set you free. If you are unhappy with the way your spouse behaves, tell it to their face. Do not harbor anger in your heart. Do not pretend all is well when it is obvious to a blind person that that’s a lie. Tell the truth about things, do not gloss over events. Once you start telling lies to your partner, you start spinning a web of troubles for yourself and one day you will get caught in your own web. Lies crumbles a relationship, it destroys the trust in that marriage. Trust is like glass, very easy to break; difficult to mend and the patches always show. The dictionary defines an evil person as someone who deliberately does very cruel things to harm other people. Love is not cruel. Love does not seek to harm your spouse or partner with either your words or actions.

Sixth, Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail. I am not going to discuss this at all except to say this, do not give up on your partner or on that marriage. Every marriage will go through its difficult times but if you persevere, have faith, believe, trust and be patient, things will sort themselves out in due time as they surely will do.

Finally, Love is eternal. Eternal is continuing forever and having no end. Love has no end. Psalms 136 vs. 1 says that: ‘Give thanks to the Lord, because he is good; his love is eternal. The same way God’s love for mankind is eternal and in another version of the bible it says His love endures forever, so should our love be; in good times and in bad; in times when things are not working well; times when we feel like the marriage isn’t moving as it should be, those are the times when our love should be at its strongest. The greatest of all the virtues is love as it says in John 3: 16: ‘For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not die but have eternal life and in John 17: 3 it says: ‘and eternal life means to know you, the only true God, and to know Jesus Christ, whom you sent’.

You cannot give what you do not have. If you do not have love, you cannot give out love in return and we have a perfect example in Christ all you have to do is invite Him and ask him to teach you how to love. When it comes to love, you need not fall but surrender, surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another, you must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another. No one is without their faults and it will do you well to keep that in mind, there is no perfect human, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, we all strive towards perfection. The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters. Love is not conditional. It’s not a situation where by you tell your partner that you will continue to love them as long as they behave well or for as long as they give you enough male children (for the men) or as long as they provide for you(for the women). True love is a total giving of ourselves to another not because of what the other can offer, not because of what we can get from the other but because of the satisfaction derived from being able to give our all without any form of reservation. Ephesians 5 vs. 21 – 33 talks about wives and husbands but I will only bring out some parts.

 

In verse 21 it says: ‘Submit yourselves to another because of your reverence to Christ.’

In verse 22 and 23 it says: ‘Wives submit yourselves to your husband as to the lord. For a husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the church; and Christ is himself the savior of the church, His body.’

In verse 24 it says: ‘Husbands; love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.’

Finally in verse 33, it says: ‘but it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself and every wife must respect her husband.

In God’s ordained marriage, love shortens the day, love shortens the journey, love lifts the burden, love lights the pathway, with love all things are possible and long waiting passes quickly where love holds the torch and shows the way. Love, love, love, the issue cannot be overemphasized; it is essential in our relationships with one another, spouses, friends, children, family and even God. Love is the very essence of our existence. Out of love we were created, out of love Christ died for us. I also love this prayer by Paul in Ephesians 3: 17 and 18: “and I pray that Christ will make his home in your hearts through faith. I pray that you may have your roots and foundation in love, so that you, together with all God’s people, may have the power to understand how broad and long, how high and deep, is Christ’s love.” Let me add my own prayer may Christ make his home in your marriage, in your family and may the foundation of your marriage be firmly rooted in love and may you come to the full knowledge that God is able to do so much more than we can ever ask for, or even think of. Learn to pray for your partner and involve God in everything that you both. Marriage takes three to be complete, it’s not enough for two to meet they must be united in love by love’s creator, God above.

To all married people, it’s a clarion call to retrace your steps. To all those looking forward to enter that sacred covenant, I hope it helps you to have a foundation on which to build your marriage upon. St. John Chrysostom suggests that young husbands should say to their wives: ‘I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us… I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.’ St. John suggests to young husbands; I am suggesting to both young and old, to both husbands and wives; tell your partner each day that you love them and let them know how blessed you are to be with them. John 13: 34 says: “and now I give you a new commandment: love another. As I have loved you, so you must love for another.” Should I translate it for you? If you call yourself a Christian to love is by force, it says you MUST LOVE one another as Christ loves you.

Finally, what GOD has joined together, let no man put asunder!!! Let me say it again: “what God has bonded together in a sacred covenant with that cord called love, do not break.” Third parties beware!!!

Finally I am off. God bless you all !!!

LOVE IN MARRIAGE—3

Yipee this is my 50th post on this blog and I just decided to post another part of the post. Do not mind the conflicting messages. I just want to see if I can post on the concluding parts of this post.

Third, love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable. I don’t even know where to start from on this one. Let me reiterate it: Love is not ill-mannered, selfish or irritable. Simply put love is not concerned mainly with one’s own needs or wishes; love does not get easily angered or annoyed and love behaves in the right way. So when you deviate from this you know that you do not love your partner or spouse the way God wants you to do so. Yes you are having problems with your spouse but it doesn’t give you the right to insult your partner in public, disrespect them or call them names in front of other people and little by little destroy every shred of dignity left in them. The power to build up or to destroy lies in your tongue. Are you building up or destroying your family or marriage with what you say. That is not love. To love means to give without counting the cost and thinking of what you will get in return, it means to take into cognizance your partner’s desires before yours, to treat your spouse with respect and the way you would want to be treated. Love should teach you how to hold your tongue, to curb your temper and rein in your anger.

Fourth, love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. I just love this one. The parasite that eats deep into our relationships with one another, our spouse, our children, our friends, our family, other people and even God is our inability to forgive and forget. You might be wondering what you need to forgive God of; most times we hold a grudge against God because he does not grant us our heart desires. Forgiveness is not something we do for other people, we do it for ourselves to get well and move on. I read somewhere that: “he that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass, if he would ever reach heaven, for everyone has a need to be forgiven.” To forgive means to let go of the wrongs and pain. Henryward Beecher says I can forgive but I cannot forget is only another way of saying I cannot forgive. Love is the essence of the spirit. Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. Forgiveness is the bridge that binds us to heaven. Without these two we would be nowhere. Every one of us knows this prayer from Matthew 6: 9 – 14:

‘This, then is how you should pray: “Our father in heaven: May your holy name be honored; may your kingdom come; may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today the food we need. Forgive us the wrongs we have done as we forgive the wrongs others have done to us. Do not bring us to hard testing, but keep us safe from the Evil One.” If you forgive others the wrong they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done.’

When we say this prayer, we implicate ourselves. We tell God if I do not forgive my spouse, my friends and families; do not forgive me. Obviously we pray this prayer without fully understanding the words we say. It goes further to say that if you forgive others, God will forgive you but if you don’t, God will treat you in the same manner. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. Choose to forgive and let go of the wrongs today; no need for storing them up in your heart until one day that love you once felt becomes hatred. Hate is like a burning charcoal. It burns the one who holds it with the intention to throw it, as much as the one who catches it with the intention to pitch it back. Simply put you gain NOTHING from keeping a record of wrongs, you only cause problems for yourself and destroy your relationships.love!!!