We are excited to continue this series titled: #ConversationswithGod. It’s for us a chance to have a sincere heartfelt conversation with our Father who is both loving and merciful. For everyone who has asked us what they should write about, we have had one question for them: If you could see God this minute face to face sitting beside you what would you tell him, are there questions you would ask Him or it would just be thanking him for everything. We are not looking for flowery words or an English Thesis. All we want is sincerity in the hope that someone who reads this is inspired to change, to live right. Our prayer is that we come to an enlightenment of all that our Father has in store for us. This letter is from Femi and it asks those hard questions that are often on our mind. I felt the words in my soul. Now dig in
Are you there? I have stayed away for too long I am in doubt of how to find you. The numerous times I have failed you, its been you chasing after me with love. This sudden silence makes it feel like for once you have left me to be on my own. I doubt that is the case but if it is, I just want you to know I am tired. Exhausted from trying to pull me forward. These days I find myself dragging without moving. Can you hear me? I don’t even remember what it means to pray anymore. So I figured, since you see and know all, it is safer to connect to you via this platform.
Dear Lord, my heart is frail and my spirit is broken, I need you to breathe life into me again. I desire a rebirth, another redemption from the curses of the law. I have battled with self-doubt for so long that I am no longer in tune with your purpose for me. It has become tough to love myself, hence the belief others had for me faded into reality, roared at by fear of inadequacy. I have continuously sought the validation of others and left a trail of anxiety in my wake. I have subtly traded courage for cowardice just because it isn’t working. Slowly, I have drifted away from an expression of competence in the things I had passion about. Forgive me Lord, but I have to ask, is this really your plan for me? The tunnel has become longer, the only light that shines is a reflection from behind, is this the path you want me to follow?
I am finding it tough to keep faith in myself but I am trusting you this last time to push me forward. At least, shine your light in the direction you want me to follow. The ways of the present world are lined with evil, corruption, and rampant these days, suicide. These options aren’t how I desire to live or leave. A lot of others have chosen those paths, can we judge what informed their choices? Didn’t they pray to you? I have grown to learn that you do not punish, perhaps struggling is the minimum wage for our sins here on earth. Are our sins to big to be forgiven? Where exactly did we go wrong? Suddenly, almost everyone is troubled in their mind. Why are you quiet, Lord?
The world is in chaos. In the absence of pressure comes oppression, an escape from both could easily give one depression, hence seeking ways of suppressing it. Suddenly, there are more friendly enemies than true friends. More condemning tongues disguising as critics. More churchgoers than Christians, more church growers than men of God. I feel alone. I need you now than ever. I am willing to try again, riding on your strength only. I want to shut out the world and focus on you. I am prepared to trade my burden for your will. Can you hear me, Lord? This time, wherever you lead, I will follow. God, I am quiet now, speak through the silence.
See you all next week as we continue this exciting journey. Stay tuned, God bless you all and do not forget that God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Also, we will continue our new series titled: #ConversationswithGod This is us simply writing a letter to God, no flowery words, just a sincere heart talking to the father. You can send us a mail at firstname.lastname@example.org. This can be done anonymously or you can drop your name. We hope to hear from you.
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